Why I’m Against that Thing You Saw on Facebook

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Picture of me looking thoughtful and serious

You’ve probably seen that Thing on Facebook by now. That Thing people are calling courageous, inspiring and important. You’d have to be living under a rock to have not seen it.
That last sentence was just a bit of humour designed to soften you for this bombshell: I’m against that Thing.

You’re probably thinking that the Thing is good and that I must be out of my mind to come out against it. It’s especially strange since I’m the very type of person you’d expect to support the stuff that the Thing is all about. Well I do support the stuff, in fact I consider myself to be a stuffist. So how is it that a self proclaimed stuffist would be against the Thing? This seemingly contradictory statement has you intrigued so you’ll read the next paragraph.

Here’s the problem: the Thing is not about stuff. Not real stuff anyway. Real stuff is defined using nouns, verbs and adjectives and has this specific goal. The Thing is all about different nouns, verbs and adjectives which when interpreted by me seem to support a goal very different than the specific goal of stuff. Here’s a thought experiment where I take the language of the Thing either very literally or very loosely- arbitrarily and without any consistency- while ignoring context or intent to arrive at my conclusion.

That conclusion is that the Thing is not stuff and therefore I am against the Thing. In fact in the interest of hyperbole I would have to say that the Thing is more harmful and dangerous to the stuff cause than the whole anti-stuff movement.

For those of you who saw the Thing and wanted to support stuff I can only hope that this article has reaffirmed your apathy towards it. After all, the issue of stuff is is complex and infuriatingly pedantic and probably should be left to bloggers who can argue about it online and won’t accomplish anything in the real world.

One final sentence of humour so I don’t come across as a shrill, contradictory and self important intellectual.

And snarky one-liner.