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Craig Fay mocks the things you put on facebook

Nicki Minaj vs Led Zeppelin and Apples vs Oranges

Congratulations on your ability to compare apples to oranges.

Ever think that maybe, just maybe the fact that they are songs from different genres is important? Like maybe the sorts of things that make a good Rock song, like lyrical complexity, are not the same things that make a good Hip Hop song? Maybe a good Hip Hop song has a lot of repetition because you’re suppose to DANCE to it.

And don’t kid yourself into thinking that all songs from 1975 were poetic and deep. Here’s a sample of lyrics from chart toppers KC and the Sunshine Band:

That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh

Do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do do

Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
That’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh

Real deep stuff there.

Now I must confess I am not a big Led Zeppelin fan. I don’t know much about them so I had to Google those lyrics to figure out what song it was. And it turns out that song is called “Thank You” which you can easily confirm was released in 1969. Not 1975. I mean, maybe they played it in concert in 1975 but you can’t really argue that was a great year for music when your example isn’t even from that decade.

We can’t even trust memes now? Whats the world coming to?

I see this sort of thing on Facebook somewhat frequently. To the point where I saw it this time and was actually excited because I finally got to take it to task. But I find it’s normally shared by one type of person: People born in the 80s who proclaim that theres been no good music since 70s rock.

The only people who can claim “no good music has been made since the 70s” are people who were teenagers in the 70’s. And they can claim that because they were teenagers in the 70s just like people who were teenagers in the 60s, 80s, 90s can claim that their music was the best because it happened to be on the radio while they were going through puberty and had nothing better to do than listen.

Most songs from most decades are bad, with a few exceptions. When I was in high school the Spice Girls were not considered “good music” but almost everyone my age knows the lyrics to “If You Wanna Be My Lover” and will gleefully sing them on the dance floor at weddings. The song didn’t get better, it got nostalgic. That’s all.

If you were born in the 80s and think nothing is better than 70s rock, it’s because that’s the music your parents were listening to when they were driving you around in a car seat, and you never bothered to branch out. For the record, liking something because it’s what your parents do has got to be the least Rock and Roll thing possible.

Things are different. People are different. People like different things, and nothing is as good as you remember it. So please stop trying to pretend like your particular tastes make you better than everyone else.

Broken Physics

First, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. That is a damn fine balanced hammer. Even I’m impressed and I normally I get all nervous when something is balanced precariously. Mind you my definition of “balanced precariously” is putting down a drinking glass within an inch of the edge of a table.

But as impressive and unsettling as this hammer is I think we all know it’s balanced right? No one’s like “Hey Jim-Bob,  come look at the internets. It gone done and broke physics!”

This could just be my mechanical engineering degree speaking but a balanced hammer seems like a pretty poor reason to “forget everything you know about physics”. If you see something on the internet that you don’t understand, doesn’t behave the way you think it should or appears to “break physics” there are really only two possibilities:

  1. It’s a trick. Either an optical illusion, Photoshop or some other form of wizard based treachery. In which case don’t forget everything you ever knew about physics. I understand you saw a video of David Blane floating in mid air but gravity still exists and cars will still mess you up.
  2. It’s real, which means that what you are looking at is physically possible. Let me say that again with emphasis: it is PHYSICally POSSIBLE. As in, PHYSICS says it is POSSIBLE. In which case maybe don’t forget everything you know about physics because it’s obviously explaining the shit out this right now.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that in 99.999% of cases where you want to explain how objects can do the things they’re doing you shouldn’t “forget everything you know about physics” and should probably “know more physics”. Realistically, clearing your brain of all knowledge about how the physical world functions is only useful if you’re Neo in the Matrix.

I’ll spare you all the detailed force diagrams explaining how all this works but if you want to see some well balanced stuff you can read the original article series of pictures that require far too many clicks to get through here.

 

Oh and if you want those detailed force diagrams I’ll totally nerd out for you.