Listen man, I don’t want to rain on your parade or anything. You seem like a nice guy and you obviously want to be a father real bad. I mean, you got a Sharpie and that big piece of bristol board. That takes dedication. But maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the best way to bring a life into the world.
Seriously, this is a human life we’re talking about. It’s a huge responsibility, a lifelong commitment and a sizable financial burden. Rather than leave this up to 50,000 strangers on Facebook perhaps this is something you should discuss with your wife.
Which brings me to my next point: Your wife doesn’t want a baby! I can’t believe I have to say this but here it goes: when you approach your spouse and say “Hey, I really would like to have a kid” and they LAUGH IN YOUR FACE and tell you they will only have a child with you if you accomplish something that they think is impossible, they don’t want a baby! Or at least not with you.
The fact that you had to have this explained to you is not a good sign. There are some serious red flags with your relationship here. Not only are you bad at listening but she’s obviously sarcastic and dismissive when discussing important issues. And of course there’s the whole thing where you’re trying to coerce and manipulate each other into make huge life altering decisions. If this is your dynamic I can only assume that she’s running a parrallel Twitter campaign where if she gets 10,000 retweets you’ll finally give her that vasectomy.
Please don’t have a baby. They’ll be doomed to grow up into the kind of person who likes this sort of thing on Facebook and 50,000 of those is already way too many.