In no way would I ever “do unto others” what these people look like they’re about to do unto me. pic.twitter.com/XdPuCXLwoY

Ah fuck. One of these fits me twitter.com/swagamemnon22/…

Dentist: Is there a lot of acid in your diet? Me: (pouring vinegar into my coffee) Not that I can think of.

Excited to be on this episode of Story Collider where I share my story about being an engineer who is bad at math. Check it out! twitter.com/storycollider/…

Me: I’m hungry I should get up and eat something. Also me: you’re not hungry. You just ate. You’re probably just thirsty. Me Again: Ugh, I don’t want to get up for WATER Anyway, now I’m tweeting this rather then getting water